Last week was the annual Smith family reunion, which typically means my brothers, brothers-in-law, and I get together and shoot things. We decided to spice things up this year with some Tannerite – a fully legal explosive that makes a ‘small’ explosion when you shoot it. Loads of fun ensued.
Enjoy the video. Be sure to click the HQ button for best quality.
To see how the rest of our reunion went, please reference this Christmas video.
1. Cook bacon. Amounts vary, but it is impossible to ever cook too much bacon. Cook it until it’s crisp, but not crunchy. For all that’s good and holy, do not char it!
2. Lightly toast some white bread. (Warning: Wheat bread should not be substituted. You do NOT want any extra fiber in your body after eating this thing!)
3. Apply a liberal layer of salad dressing (NEVER mayo!), barbecue sauce, and lettuce to bread.
4. While the bacon is still hot enough to make you swear, but not so hot that it requires medical treatment, break bacon into pieces just big enough to ensure you choke, but will not require the Heimlich maneuver. The desired final outcome is that alternating hocking/gurgling sound your body makes while trying to decide if the bacon should go down or back up. (Note: Back up is optimal as you get to chew it more.)
5. Gently layer bacon onto the bread. Do so with care so as to not drop or lose any bacon bits. Doing so is a crime in 23 states.
6. Apply one (1) slice of processed cheese. Real cheese can be substituted, but it’s just not quite as funky to look at in the end.
7. Close sandwich. Don’t worry about sauce spilling out – any spilled during closing will not end up on your shirt and/or chin later.
8. Microwave for 22 seconds (24.35 seconds at high altitude) until cheese is soft and tender and gooey, but not stringy or bubbling.
9. Eat. This sandwich is best served with a side of Cherry Tums.
Yeah, it’s as good as it looks!
(Warning: This sandwich is rumored to result in eternal damnation and torment in some religions.)
