The Kisslympics

Aug 19, 2008 by Jared Smith

For the first time since 1984, I’m kinda digging the Olympics. Besides gymnastics judges that are idiots, tie-breaker rules that make no sense, and 12-year-old Chinese gymnasts, it’s been mostly enjoyable. But there something I’ve seen that makes me a bit uncomfortable.

What’s with all the kissing at the gymnastics events?

I know it’s a European custom, but seriously, do they really have to kiss EVERY single person on the sidelines after EVERY single event? If I were a gymnast, I don’t think I could kiss a Russian coach without tossing my cookies. Yuck! Can you imagine this being a common activity at the boxing, wrestling, or weight lifting events? Did Phelps kiss his teammates after winning gold? I think not! Now woman’s beach volleyball on the other hand (which has more than it’s share of hugging)… Stop…… must… visualize… Russian… gymnastics… coach.

And then there’s this doozy:
Kissing gymnasts

Granted I am not an expert on European cheek kissing, but this doesn’t really look like a “To the left. Oops, I meant the other left!” kinda thing. Though if girls are going to kiss, I guess this is better than all the fake love we usually see. On a related note, can anyone explain why the lady in red is holding a bear-shaped bottle of honey?

And then there was Alicia Sacramone’s awkward kiss thingy with an Italian vaulter. Apparently in Italy it’s three kisses instead of two. Let me explain what happens. 1. They kiss right cheeks. 2. They kiss left cheeks. 3. Sacramone, apparently all kissed out, takes off. 4. The Italian lunges for her neck in vampire-like fashion. 5. To remove all semblance of eroticism, NBC cuts to a shot of a Russian gymnastics coach and/or Lyle Lovett.

Check it out in this video. (Don’t worry kids, it’s much less erotic than the new Twilight Series book – or so I’ve heard.)

And now for the ultimate in Olympic awkwardness… women’s wrestling, which naturally results in plenty of Kodak moments such as this:
Wrestling move gone bad
I don’t know about you, but I’ve got a new desktop background.

  1. 5 Responses to “The Kisslympics”

  2. All I can say is, Ouch.

    By Erin on Aug 20, 2008

  3. That picture reminds me of Wayne’s recent Dr. appointment.

    By Mark on Aug 20, 2008

  4. Oh Mark, admit it…you’re jealous! I know you can’t wait to hit 40 just so you can do the ol’ “cough, cough” for the doctor. I used to be worried about women softball players, but they’ve got nothing on the gymnasts!

    By Trisha on Aug 20, 2008

  5. The bear bottle of honey is a common item for gymnastics. My son who is on the UW College team carries a Bear bottle of Honey all the time, they use it to have the chalk stick better to their hands so they get a better grip and slip on the devices.

    By David on Apr 22, 2009

  6. Why run Alicia? maybe the vaulter likes you?
    never know till you try might LIKE it! LOL

    By ryan marshall on May 10, 2015

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