I Assaulted David Archuleta

Jul 13, 2009 by Jared Smith

I flew into Los Angeles today and accidentally assaulted David Archuleta in the process.

I was seated in the front, bulkhead row of cabin class and when the plane stopped at LAX, I stood up, squeezed through traffic, pulled down my bag from the overhead compartment, and then tried to back into the galley area right by the exit door. I didn’t realize that while I was getting my bag, David had come from First Class and had occupied the area immediately where I was backing. I smacked him pretty hard with my backpack. Of course this is perfectly understandable because in real life David is roughly the height and build of Frodo Baggins.

I immediately apologized and he said it was OK. It took me a few moments to realize who it was. I knew it was someone famous, but it took a second for my mind to process…

Famous person? Yes.

Singer? Yes.

On TV? Yes.

A Jonas Brother? No.

David… whatchamasomething……….? Yes!

I now realize that if I’d have been paying attention, I would have realized something was up before we landed. Apparently everyone on the plane but me knew he was in first class. I suddenly realized that the stench of estrogen was strong in the air and that every female was now mobbing to get a glimpse of him. I was literally being pushed toward him and he was being pushed, by me, into a corner. I’d like to say that I was filling the role of his bodyguard by shielding him from the onslaught with my body, but I really didn’t have control over the situation. (He was, by the way, totally alone.) We were inches apart and face to face… well, face to neck/chest/breast area maybe.

I COULD SMELL THE AIRLINE PEANUTS ON DAVID ARCHULETA’S BREATH!

Here’s how our conversation went from there…

Me: “Oh… Hey… How ya doin’?”
David (smiling): “Great!”
Me (shouting): “GET BACK YOU DEVIL WOMEN!!!” Ok, I didn’t yell this, but wanted to. Instead I stupidly asked, “You here for work?”
David (probably thinking I’m a git for asking that question in L.A.): “Yeah.”
Me: “Cool. Ummm… have fun!”
David: “I will.”

The flight attendant then opened the plane door.

Me and David at the same time: “Go ahead.”
Me: “No, go ahead.”
David: “Go ahead!”
Me: (Stared at him knowing there’s no way I can go before HIM!)
David: “Sorry. OK. Thanks.”

We then exited the plane where we were both mobbed by teenage girls who kept asking us for pictures… or more specifically, asking me to take a picture of them with David. I think they thought we were together – probably brothers… or something like that.

He was very gracious and even thanked me a couple times for taking pictures of other people with him. I did sneak one quick picture in before he literally RAN through the terminal to get away from the growing mob of giddy teenage girls and middle aged mothers.