I’ve been working on this list for some time. When something really annoys me, I’d add it here, mostly as a way to relieve pent up aggression.
I get around 150-200 junk messages per day. Of course having over 10 e-mail addresses doesn’t help, but still. There’s a warm spot in hell for spammers. The artificial meat-in-a-can stuff is kinda annoying too.
Dora the Explorer
How could anybody with this type of fashion sense and ADD be entertaining?
Yet I’m subjected to watching at least one episode per day. And she repeats EVERYTHING three times. It’s annoying. It’s annoying. It’s ANNOYING!
You know, the “Jared is out of the office on vacation and will be back on the 20th” messages that are automatically sent back to you when you send e-mail people. Yesterday I sent around 2000 e-mails for work and got about 200 autoresponders. Nobody gives a flyin’ flip that you’re out of town, beside your mother – and she doesn’t have e-mail and already knows you’re gone, so stop with the autoresponders already. If I wanted to get ahold of you right now, I’d pick up the bloody telephone and call you.
I get 3 or 4 per day… at work, not counting the ones we get at home. I don’t mind having a nice, short conversation with a total stranger before hanging up on them, but they only want to talk to my boss. I’m not sure how her name got associated with my phone. Thank goodness for caller id. I hate you Pitney Bowes!
Fax machines by themselves aren’t evil. But the one that has called my house at least once a month in the middle of the night for the last 10 years (this is NOT an exaggeration) is the spawn of Beelzebub himself. It sucks to wake up at 2am in the morning (see next item) to a phone call that you are certain is regarding someone’s death or your house burning down around you, and all you hear is “Beep… beep… beeeep”. The only thing worse than that, is that it always calls back 10 minutes later, just at the point where you’re almost asleep again.
People who use AM and PM redundantly
When people say things like “9am in the morning” and “10pm at night.” One or the other will suffice, thank you.
When the toilet paper roll dispenses from the bottom
It’s common knowledge that having the TP dispense from the top is more efficient.
When our janitorial staff doesn’t put my garbage can back where they got it
Is it really too much to ask? Every morning is like a game – where in the office will the trash can be today? Perhaps they have absolutely no short term memory. Or perhaps they know it pisses me off. Either way, I’ve had to resort to using a Sticky Note to ask them to put it back.
We’ll see if that does the trick.
I don’t hate everyone, I just hate humans in large groups. I’ve never enjoyed crowds or big social settings. As I’ve often said, the only thing dumber than chickens and sheep are people in large groups. School is just starting here and I especially hate Freshman Girl People right now.
Drivers who take up the fast lane
Drive slow in the fast lane if you want to, just don’t drive slow in the fast lane right next to someone driving slow in the slow lane. It’s like a competition to see how slowly they can pass each other. Or some scientific experiment to see if their cruise controls are calibrated exactly the same. And don’t flip me off because I flash my lights at you after waiting 5 minutes for you to move over.
People who flash their lights at me because I won’t get out of the fast lane
Can’t you see I’m just moving with the flow of traffic? I always want to flip those jerks off.
Manly plumber butt cracks are tolerable. But if I see another girl’s butt crack because she’s wearing low-rider too tight jeans, I’m gunna wretch.
Catherine Zeta-Jones and Jamie Lee Curtis
Catherine has just got that lazy eye thing going. And Jamie Lee is the most annoying creature on the planet.
But she was pretty good as MacGyver.
That Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizza commercial where things go backwards
It was cool the first 5000 times you showed it during primetime.
They would be extinct if it weren’t for humans. Any dog smaller and dumber than a squirrel should have gone the way of the Dodo long ago. Small dogs in small, fashionable bags make me want to see how far I can punt the little thing. Small dogs with mean sounding names like Spike, Kujo, Killer, or Buster should be eaten by bigger dogs.
You know the blurry, slow motion scenes with dramatic background music that are all over news shows, documentaries, and the History Channel. I’d rather stare at a blank screen and listen to a narrator than watch a drama school dropout pretend to knife up his enemy/girlfriend in slow mo. Digitally produced ghosts on cable television programs also annoy me.
People with no concept of personal space
There’s a lady at church that can’t talk to me (and I hope other people) without having at least one of her private parts within .03 inches of my body.
It’s bad enough that they are outrageously high, but why do they always have to be something and 9/10 of a cent per gallon. Do they think we’re too stupid to realize that $2.399 is pretty much the same thing as $2.40? What really gets me is that they always screw us for the 9/10 of a cent – it’s never 7/10 or 32/100 of a cent.
People who talk so everyone can hear
“OH MY GOSH, CAN YOU LIKE BELIEVE LIKE HOW CUTE MY NEW SHOES ARE!!!” You know what I mean.
They’re the fruit of the devil.
Overly nice people
When they need a favor, the conversation usually starts, “I was wondering, if you’re not too busy and it’s not too much of a problem, and if you say ‘no’ it’s OK – I won’t be mad, but only say ‘yes’ if it’s really OK with you, and I’ll owe you big time for this one, if it’s alright if I could…”
Those who start sentences with the words “Actually” or “Obviously”
Actually, I hate it when people use these words anywhere in sentences. Obviously these words mean the same as “You’re wrong and/or stupid!”, so stop using them!
You mean to tell me that we can cure degenerative diseases, transplant human hearts, fix people’s bad vision, and beat back polio, yet nobody can figure out how to keep me from getting the hiccups?!?
Songs that rhyme the same word
Iâ€™ll be there for you. These five words I swear to you. When you breathe I want to be the air for you. Iâ€™ll be there for you. Iâ€™d live and Iâ€™d die for you. Steal the sun from the sky for you. Words canâ€™t say what love can do. Iâ€™ll be there for you.
People who board the plane out of turn
The gate attendant says, “Those in first class or with Medallion frequent flyer status may now board” and immediate 257 people are in line even though you know there’s not more than maybe 30 people that fit that classification.
People with web sites, but nothing to say
People who can’t find anything better to do than complain
OK, I’ll shutup now.
If you have something that totally annoys you, post a comment and share.