Things that annoy me

Aug 24, 2006 by Jared Smith

I’ve been working on this list for some time. When something really annoys me, I’d add it here, mostly as a way to relieve pent up aggression.

I get around 150-200 junk messages per day. Of course having over 10 e-mail addresses doesn’t help, but still. There’s a warm spot in hell for spammers. The artificial meat-in-a-can stuff is kinda annoying too.

Dora the Explorer
How could anybody with this type of fashion sense and ADD be entertaining?
Yet I’m subjected to watching at least one episode per day. And she repeats EVERYTHING three times. It’s annoying. It’s annoying. It’s ANNOYING!

You know, the “Jared is out of the office on vacation and will be back on the 20th” messages that are automatically sent back to you when you send e-mail people. Yesterday I sent around 2000 e-mails for work and got about 200 autoresponders. Nobody gives a flyin’ flip that you’re out of town, beside your mother – and she doesn’t have e-mail and already knows you’re gone, so stop with the autoresponders already. If I wanted to get ahold of you right now, I’d pick up the bloody telephone and call you.

I get 3 or 4 per day… at work, not counting the ones we get at home. I don’t mind having a nice, short conversation with a total stranger before hanging up on them, but they only want to talk to my boss. I’m not sure how her name got associated with my phone. Thank goodness for caller id. I hate you Pitney Bowes!

Fax machines
Fax machines by themselves aren’t evil. But the one that has called my house at least once a month in the middle of the night for the last 10 years (this is NOT an exaggeration) is the spawn of Beelzebub himself. It sucks to wake up at 2am in the morning (see next item) to a phone call that you are certain is regarding someone’s death or your house burning down around you, and all you hear is “Beep… beep… beeeep”. The only thing worse than that, is that it always calls back 10 minutes later, just at the point where you’re almost asleep again.

People who use AM and PM redundantly
When people say things like “9am in the morning” and “10pm at night.” One or the other will suffice, thank you.

When the toilet paper roll dispenses from the bottom
It’s common knowledge that having the TP dispense from the top is more efficient.

When our janitorial staff doesn’t put my garbage can back where they got it
Is it really too much to ask? Every morning is like a game – where in the office will the trash can be today? Perhaps they have absolutely no short term memory. Or perhaps they know it pisses me off. Either way, I’ve had to resort to using a Sticky Note to ask them to put it back.

Trash can
We’ll see if that does the trick.

I don’t hate everyone, I just hate humans in large groups. I’ve never enjoyed crowds or big social settings. As I’ve often said, the only thing dumber than chickens and sheep are people in large groups. School is just starting here and I especially hate Freshman Girl People right now.

Animated GIFs
Animated annoyances

Drivers who take up the fast lane
Drive slow in the fast lane if you want to, just don’t drive slow in the fast lane right next to someone driving slow in the slow lane. It’s like a competition to see how slowly they can pass each other. Or some scientific experiment to see if their cruise controls are calibrated exactly the same. And don’t flip me off because I flash my lights at you after waiting 5 minutes for you to move over.

People who flash their lights at me because I won’t get out of the fast lane
Can’t you see I’m just moving with the flow of traffic? I always want to flip those jerks off.

Butt cracks
Manly plumber butt cracks are tolerable. But if I see another girl’s butt crack because she’s wearing low-rider too tight jeans, I’m gunna wretch.

Catherine Zeta-Jones and Jamie Lee Curtis
Catherine has just got that lazy eye thing going. And Jamie Lee is the most annoying creature on the planet.
Trash can
But she was pretty good as MacGyver.

That Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizza commercial where things go backwards
It was cool the first 5000 times you showed it during primetime.

Small dogs
They would be extinct if it weren’t for humans. Any dog smaller and dumber than a squirrel should have gone the way of the Dodo long ago. Small dogs in small, fashionable bags make me want to see how far I can punt the little thing. Small dogs with mean sounding names like Spike, Kujo, Killer, or Buster should be eaten by bigger dogs.
Tiny dogs must die

Dramatic re-enactments
You know the blurry, slow motion scenes with dramatic background music that are all over news shows, documentaries, and the History Channel. I’d rather stare at a blank screen and listen to a narrator than watch a drama school dropout pretend to knife up his enemy/girlfriend in slow mo. Digitally produced ghosts on cable television programs also annoy me.

People with no concept of personal space
There’s a lady at church that can’t talk to me (and I hope other people) without having at least one of her private parts within .03 inches of my body.

Gas prices
It’s bad enough that they are outrageously high, but why do they always have to be something and 9/10 of a cent per gallon. Do they think we’re too stupid to realize that $2.399 is pretty much the same thing as $2.40? What really gets me is that they always screw us for the 9/10 of a cent – it’s never 7/10 or 32/100 of a cent.
Gas prices. 9/10th stupid.

People who talk so everyone can hear

They’re the fruit of the devil.

Overly nice people
When they need a favor, the conversation usually starts, “I was wondering, if you’re not too busy and it’s not too much of a problem, and if you say ‘no’ it’s OK – I won’t be mad, but only say ‘yes’ if it’s really OK with you, and I’ll owe you big time for this one, if it’s alright if I could…”

Those who start sentences with the words “Actually” or “Obviously”
Actually, I hate it when people use these words anywhere in sentences. Obviously these words mean the same as “You’re wrong and/or stupid!”, so stop using them!

The hiccups
You mean to tell me that we can cure degenerative diseases, transplant human hearts, fix people’s bad vision, and beat back polio, yet nobody can figure out how to keep me from getting the hiccups?!?

Songs that rhyme the same word
I’ll be there for you. These five words I swear to you. When you breathe I want to be the air for you. I’ll be there for you. I’d live and I’d die for you. Steal the sun from the sky for you. Words can’t say what love can do. I’ll be there for you.
Jon Bon

People who board the plane out of turn
The gate attendant says, “Those in first class or with Medallion frequent flyer status may now board” and immediate 257 people are in line even though you know there’s not more than maybe 30 people that fit that classification.

People with web sites, but nothing to say Coincidence?

People who can’t find anything better to do than complain
OK, I’ll shutup now.

If you have something that totally annoys you, post a comment and share.

  1. 20 Responses to “Things that annoy me”

  2. AHHAHA well you were in a mood wernt you.
    Well done though. Got 4-5 chuckles out of it.

    By Chuck on Aug 25, 2006

  3. It cracks me up that most of the things you pointed out to be annoying, I’ve heard or witnessed you actually do! Plus, I know you secretly have a big crush on Jamie Lee, forget Nicole! I’d love to hear more about the private parts of the lady at church coming in near contact with you. Maybe you should have a serious discussion with your Bishop, or is it his wife???

    By Trisha on Aug 30, 2006

  4. This is a great post, I really am enjoying your blog. Just thought I should say you’re doing a great job.

    By dog on Oct 12, 2006

  5. radio hosts with speech impediments.(this sounds mean,i know) there is one sports guy in cleveland who talks too fast and who makes this ANNOYING, EAR PIERCING whistle he uses S’s!! i like the show, and the guy, but i just can’t listen to him on my walkman while i’m working out because its so damned deafening!!

    By Shep on Oct 26, 2006

  6. conservative christian righteous hypocrites. stop trying to make everyone live in a tight little conformative box! you might get closer to God if you were more compassionate!

    By Shep on Oct 26, 2006

  7. 1. People who try to text while they talk to you.
    2. OMG! Like, people, who’s speach is like, half fillers (like, you know, etc.) and, like, abreviations, you know?
    3. People who try to re-enact funny scenes from movies or an experience that they had with another friend.
    4. Friends that set you up on blind dates because they seriously think that you’re that desperate.
    5. People who ask you how you’re doing.
    6. People who tell jokes that you’ve heard about a million times before.
    “Why did the chicken cross the road?”, etc.

    By squigly on May 19, 2008

  8. By the way, great list.

    By squigly on May 19, 2008

  9. Have you ever gone in somewhere to buy icecream and the person next to you orders “some of the blue”?


    By Holland on Jun 5, 2008

  10. You can prevent most cases of hiccups by taking smaller bites of food, chewing well, etc., and also avoiding drinking cold beverages too fast, especially that first sip on a hot day. I’ve found that you can stop most hiccups almost instantly by putting a little spit on your throat and touching the wet skin with both poles of a little 9-volt battery. The very slight jolt apparently puts a reverse impulse on the nerve that feeds a hiccup.

    By Jack on Sep 20, 2008

  11. ok this dosent make me angry it pisses me off..fios tv the movie channels…why in the hell are some of them in all Spanish it makes me so angry when i see a show i really like but its a languge im never going to learn. fios can just make them seperate like if you want spanish channels you get the spanish channels if you want english you get english why would you mix them up.

    By zac on Jan 8, 2009

  12. other things that annoy me. people that are fat and say omgggg why am i soo fatt? (i mean like 500-600+pounds) also obnoxious people,people that practically beg for attention, when people belive the most dumbest things like i saw a penguin cross the street this morning.

    By zac on Jan 8, 2009

  13. Girls that are absolutely disgusting and try to be all over you.souja boy..if he made songs that made sense i would probably like him.when people basically have sex in the hall way. people that call you (mostly girls) and just scream in the phone.

    By zac on Jan 8, 2009

  14. i am doing a project on things that annoy me! anyone have any products that annoy them, hope to have replys amy.

    By Amy on Feb 17, 2009

  15. BILLY MAYS! i’ll have the tv on as background noise while doing my homework or the dishes.. then BAM! he’s screaming in my ear. his voice makes me cringe.

    By becca on Mar 4, 2009

  16. People that pull out infront of you even though there is nothing behind you and then drive really slow

    By alex on Apr 21, 2009

  17. Oh, this is fun… I loved reading everyone’s peeves…Things that annoy me. So many. Here are some:

    Middle aged women in the grocery store with sour-pusses on their faces who refuse to look at you when you politely smile and nod in their direction as you pass them 20 times up and down the aisles…

    Someone said this, but a google search of “Poeple with Speech Impediments Annoy Me” led me to this site… People with speech impediments!! I’m sorry but I can’t get over it!!! I was watching “Wife Swap” last night for some unknown reason and ones of the mothers had one and her son had the same one. So friggin annoying!!!

    Improperly spelled signs…. I live near a site when a spanish explorer named “Narvaez” first landed… There are some signs which talk about him and it is spelled correctly… Then, the city puts up this great, big beautiful sign and spells it “Narvarez.” Uh, duh!!!!!!! Actually, any words spelled incorrectly when they are in the context of an important document, etc… E-mails and blogs I can forgive… But when a school superintendent has her assistant write a letter in her name and there are at least five glaring errors, I tend to lose confidence in the system…

    I could go on and on, but I’ll stop now. Thanks for listening!!!

    By san on Aug 15, 2009

  18. It really bugs me when people are trying to sound so proper and inccorectly use the word “I” instead of “me”. I just saw a photo of a very prominent man and underneath the caption read “a picture of my granddaughter and I” What the heck?

    By Deb on Aug 25, 2009

  19. That ESPN guy Dick Bermon (or however you spell it) who makes shreeks and other sound effects when narrating NFL highlights; I have to buy a new TV every time I see him because I throw my old one against the wall.
    Those songs from the free credit report commercials.
    That car insurance lizard.
    That oh-so-cute woman from the Progressive (I think) insurance commercials.
    Oh, and when guys flirt with eachother on commercials (Sonic, I’m looking at you).
    I have accidentally read (without knowing it) Oprah’s book suggestions, and after finishing coming to the “what the hell was the point of that book” conclusion.
    And last but not least: stupid people.

    By Ryan on Nov 9, 2009

  20. people who pretend to like you, old people on the internet, liars, nice guys who are dating whores, people who think they’re smarter than you, shallow little girls, little girls in slutty outfits, 12 year olds.

    By lia on Apr 11, 2010

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