Things I Love and Don’t Love About Christmas

Dec 9, 2007 by Jared Smith

I’ve been thinking for a few days about this blog post. Now I see that Mark beat me to the punch. I am annoyed by the same things he is (oh, and congratulations!). Here are some other things that annoy me about Christmas.

Shopping

It’s not so much shopping that I hate – it’s the people. The stupidest animals on the planet are chickens, sheep, and humans in large groups shopping.

Dark Chocolate

I’d rather eat dirt.

Inflatable lawn ornaments

This is our neighbor’s front yard. OK, it’s not – but it’s bears a striking resemblance. It’s not so much how inflatable lawn ornaments look that annoys me, it’s the fact that there seems to neighborhood contests to have the most or biggest ones possible. And we wonder why most of the world hates us.

Electronically orchestrated light shows with music

They were cool last year, just like inflatable lawn ornaments were cool the year before that.

Changing “Twas The Night Before Christmas”

‘Twas the night before Christmas and at Fred’s Used Cars
Our prices are great, they couldn’t be lower.
So come on down and check out our cars.
We’ll make you a deal – just turn around and bend over.

No, it doesn’t rhyme very well, but neither do any of those commercials.

Wi… you

I love Christmas music. Well, most Christmas music. At the moment, I very much dislike the Abu Doray or whatever it is song that the Whos sing at the end of The Grinch – it’s been in my head for nearly a week. Another that I really dislike is the Carpenter’s rendition of Sleigh Ride. If you listen, she sings, “Come on it’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride together wi you.” Yep, there no ‘th’ on ‘with’. It’s annoying! I’d seriously punch Karen Carpenter in the face is she weren’t dead. Listen closely next time and I guarantee I have just officially ruined this song for you.

“Holidays” instead of “Christmas”

I don’t mind people saying “Happy Holidays”, but when it’s used because it’s presumably not PC to say “Christmas”, it annoys me. Anyone that gets offended over the word “Christmas” should have no problem working that day while the rest of us enjoy the day off. Even our atheist friends like getting gifts and paid holidays, so give the political correctness a rest.

People think Santa is too fat

Yep, some big budget government agency released a report stating that Santa is a bad role model because he is always portrayed as being overweight. Here are the descriptors used in Twas The Night Before Christmas:

• broad face
• nose like a cherry
• dimples
• chubby and plump
• a little round belly, that shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly

Yes, every kid I know wants to look exactly like that when they grow up. Next year the Tooth Fairy will be on the sexual predators list for sneaking into your bedroom at night.

What I LOVE about Christmas

There are WAY too many for me to list, but here are a few:

• Crab dip on Chicken in a Biscuit crackers
• MILK chocolate
• Mary’s breaded cherry candy cane thingies
• Shrimp cocktails
• Other stuff not involving food, like…
• Caroling
• Christmas Songs – “O Holy Night” is my favorite
• Going to church, even if you have to listen to the ward choir
• Time with family
• Watching Abbie open her gifts
• Watching my nephew exclaim “Victory!!!” when he got socks one year
• Getting a new pair of pajamas
• Not going to work
• Skiddy Winters
• A Christmas Story